Cheese Loaf-vs-Southern Accent

A great actor is independent of the poet, because the supreme essence of feeling does not reside in prose or in verse, but in the accent with which it is delivered. ~Lee Strasberg

     Three visits to the grocery store in one day is absolute over-kill.  This was made clear to me when I had a very interesting conversation with the check-out lady.  I wish I could say it was just the conversation itself that was interesting, but I can't.  The manner in which I delivered my half just made it that much better. 
       My last trip there, B asked me to pick him up some Copenhagen.  Well, in the state of Alaska, you must be 19 years old to buy tobacco products.  So whenever he would ask me to pick him up some, I would pretend that it was for me (even though he is older than me) because I didn't want any trouble.  But NC is different.  18 years old is old enough, and considering the legal age to be married without parental consent is 18, I figure that I'm safe.  Here's how the conversation went:
     "You're from Alaska?"  (Driver's liscense.)
     "Yeah, we just moved here about two weeks ago.  You know, in the state of Alaska you have to be 19 to buy tobacco products.  So when my husband would ask me to buy him some Copenhagen, I would just pretend that it was for me since you can be married before 19.  A few times the cashiers would say something like, 'Oh honey, you're too pretty to be chewing tobacco.'  So I would just tell them, 'I know, it's a terrible habit, but I just can't shake it.'  Not that it would have mattered anyway since he's WAY older than me."
     "Yeah, my husband and I have a big age difference too.  He's 34 and I'm 21."
     "Oh!  Ya'll are worse than we are!  He's 28 and I'm 23.  But I always tell him that he already robbed the craddle, so he can't trade me in for a younger model!"
     "Have a good night."

     Now, if that wasn't bad enough, throw in a terrible fake southern accent (from me, pink words), and you have the full story.  I swear that whenever I get around people with accents, I start to pick it up!  It is the most senseless habit on the face of the planet, and I have it. 
     Four years ago I worked on a ranch in Montana (as a wrangler), and we had some businessmen from Minnesota there for a week.  It took me one day to pick it up, and three months to drop it!  Other people were convinced I was from Minnesota.  Truth be told: to this day I haven't been there once.
    
     I suppose a better question would be, "Why am I sharing so much information with a cashier?"  I just can't stop myself.  The entire time my brain was screaming "shut up, Nicole.  Just shut up!"  But the words just kept coming! 
     And why does Walmart put Velvetta (or other types of cheese loafs) in a different part of the store than the other cheese products?  Now I know it's about as real as my southern accent, but still.  If it says "cheese" then put it with the cheeses!

I love to go shopping.  I love to freak out salespeople.  They ask me if they can help me, and I say, "Have you got anything I'd like?"  Then they ask me what size I need, and I say, "Extra medium."  ~Steven Wright

Thanks for listening!

Carolina North.